Right? Relationship? Some Strange Mix?

  • Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT-T, LPC-T
  • Series: Fall 2015, Volume 22, Issue 3
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Right? Relationship? Some Strange Mix?

Carrissa Pannuzzo, LPC, LMFT

You’ve met them. Those weird ones. You know, those people who are wired differently than you. Maybe you even married one and then wondered what on earth you were thinking. Maybe you birthed or sired one. Maybe you share the same parents but you wonder if they’re adopted (or if you’re adopted). Whether that person is your spouse, your child, a sibling, or some other close person in your life it feels like you speak an entirely different language. You value different things, you see life from different angles, and do some things better than them (and some things worse).

When the values we hold or our perspective conflict with someone close to us we’re left with a choice. Do we choose to be right? Do we choose the relationship? Or is there some strange mix that allows us to be us, to maintain healthy boundaries and dignity, to celebrate our loved one, and protect and cultivate the relationship all at the same time?

I think there is. It’s an art form, a dance. Sometimes love must be tough. Sometimes soft. Sometimes we have to die to ourselves and other times we have to let the other person squirm - and sometimes letting the other person squirm is dying to ourselves.

Whatever you chose to do – do it out of freedom and love. Don’t be guided by the fear of rejection, of being a “bad” person, of causing pain (some pain is necessary for growth), or any other lie that plagues you. It’s ok (and good) to be different, to hold different values and different viewpoints. It’s ok to be uncomfortable and to experience conflict.

You are free to mix being right and relationship. Enjoy it!

 

 

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Wisdom