> Practical Family Living

The Hope of Christmas

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Christmas is a season in which we are reminded of why Christ came. Two things were guaranteed when Christ came into the world.

Rules, Rigidity and Responsibility

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

This candid look at self care outlines the way rules promote rigidty of thought. When rigid in our thinking we turn away from the grace and love of God. Turning away leads to a very lonely existence.

Elderly and Families: Intergenerational Respect and Love

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Suggestions on how family members can bring emotional, practical, and spiritual support to older loved ones

Emotional Healing for Adults Through the Inner Child

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Christ's example of love and attention to children can be a model for adults to reconnect with childhood experiences to restore simple joys, spontaneity, and hope.

Easter Clothes: Throwing Off Cloaks of Unforgiveness

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Forgiveness brings emotional and spiritual healing. Using Biblical references to Palm Sunday and Easter, and a story from Corrie Ten Boom, this article shows how the old "clothes" or habits around unforgiveness hamper our freedom and joy.

Guidelines for Help When You Feel Vulnerable or Lost

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Sometimes there is a straight-forward need for some written steps to take when feeling depressed, anxious, crummy, full of discouragement, or when listening to lies in thinking about God's ability to redeem a seemingly failed life. Here are those steps.

Gratitude, It's Own Memory Chain

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Memories triggered at times of yearly occasions are not always pleasant. How do you deal with triggered memories? Can we move from reacting to certain memories to providing ourselves with a plan? See ways people are able to set in motion a positive chain of memories both personal and spiritual.

Fear Less, Love More: To Let Go Is To Love

The positives of letting go and giving over

Because God Loves Me: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God's love made personal

Helping the Discouraged

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Discouragement can leave us frightened and unmotivated with feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Drawing from the biblical story of Elijah and an actual family therapy case, this article discusses five steps to helping an individual recover from discouragement.

Forgiveness in the New Year

The process of forgiveness, tips on inviting Jesus into the journey of forgiveness, as well as the forgiveness of self and others are discussed in this article.

Words When It Matters

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Our hearts go out to those who have just experienced loss. What can we say to them? This article explains the importance of words to the grieving person and gives five great ideas of what is helpful to share.

Entitlement, Money and Families

Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC

This article describes what entitlement means and how families send messages to their children about money and entitlement.

I have a WHAT?

As the Nationwide Insurance commercial proclaims, "Life comes at you fast," parents can find themselves quickly thrown into raising a teenager. As you jump into adolescence with your adolescent, take a deep breath, and use these reminders to help with the adolescent journey.

God's Christmas List

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

If we find ourselves overwhelmed, anxious, lonely or fearful during this Christmas season, we can take heart and reflect on God’s love. God has made all the necessary preparations for Christmas.

Morning Star: All Through The Night

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Poetry and scripture are inter-weaved in this article to proclaim one of the greatest Christmas truths: Jesus, the Bright Morning Star, knew earthly sorrow, so that we can have hope on earth and ultimate hope in heaven.

Surprise, Surprise: Not Everyone Likes Their Family Christmas

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Family gatherings are not always pleasant. We may not even like our family. What is the difference between like and love? This article tells how to separate behavior from the person or the family we are to love. We can not like or even accept behavior and still love the person. Separating the deed from the doer as we learn to love one another as we love ourselves is a big task. With God being invited into the center of this command, we will be able to follow it.

Sacredness in Sexuality

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Sexuality can be a profound expression of love between a husband and wife. When God's view of love is included within sexuality, sex is transformed from mere mechanics to holy mystery and higher joy.

Just Love Them

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Our children are not perfect, and neither are we. Sometimes their behavior may leave us scratching our heads or pulling our hair out, and sometimes our behavior may leave others scratching their heads or pulling their hair out. Through it all, God loves each of us and has a plan for each of our lives.

Crumpled and Stepped On

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Crumpled and Stepped On (Copied from a post by Rita Scott, author unknown) A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it...?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you and to God who loves you most. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special-Don't EVER forget it."

We All Have Needs

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC, Kathy Ann Ward, LPC, CSAC

We all have basic needs to be valued, accepted, and understood. Think about a difficult person in your life, and, with God's help, perhaps identify the need that may be unsatisfied in them. Pray for the person and yourself. Remember that God demonsrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Compassion Makes You Happy and Wise

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Adapted from: Emma M. Seppala, Ph.D. A closer look at our own experiences as well as research data suggests that the secret to lasting happiness does not lie in any goods, relationships or achievements, but rather in what we can give: not just material gifts, but gifts of time, gifts of love, gifts of ourselves. Compassion and service don't just make us happy but they also have a host of other associated benefits and may even contribute to a longer life. Here's how: *Compassion Makes You Happy" A brain-imaging study headed by neuroscientist Jordan Grafman from the National Institute of Health showed that the "pleasures centers" in the brain, i.e. the parts of our brains that are active when we experience pleasure (like dessert, money, sex) are equally active when we observe someone giving money to charity as when we receive money ourselves! Giving to others even increases well-being above and beyond spending money on ourselves. In a revealing experiment published in Science by Harvard Business School professor Michael Norton, participants received a sum of money. Half of the participants were instructed to spend the money on themselves and the other half were told to spend the money on others. At the end of the study, participants that had spent money on others felt significantly happier than those that had spent money on themselves. This is true even for infants! A recent study by Elizabeth Dunn and colleagues at the University of British Columbia shows that, even in children as young as 2, giving treats to others increases their happiness more than receiving treats themselves. *Compassion Makes You Wise" One reason compassion makes us happy is by broadening our perspective beyond ourselves. We know from research on anxiety and depression that these tense and unhappy states are highly self-focused. During stress or sadness, we are usually focused on the things that are going wrong in our lives. Research shows that depression and anxiety are linked to a state of self-focus, a preoccupation with "me, myself, and I." When you do something for someone else, however, that state of self-focus immediately dissolves. Now think of a time you were feeling blue and suddenly a close friend or relative called you for urgent help with a problem. All of a sudden your attention was on helping them. Rather than feeling blue, you began to feel energized and before you knew it, you may even have felt better and had gained some perspective on your own situation as well.

Rejection Hurts

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Rejection hurts. It hurts physiologically (neurologically speaking) and it hurts our feelings. Reputable science confirms this. In fact our brains respond so similarly to rejection and physical pain that taking a Tylenol will reduce both the emotional impact of rejection in the same way it reduces physical pain. (Guy Winch, Ph.D., July, 2013) In short, regrouping with a person or persons who accept and love you unconditionally after rejection is conducive to major healing. Not talking rebound escapism here, but the kind of love and acceptance found similar to and in a non-toxic favorite grandmother’s home. It may take time, but it is in this context that rest and taking real stock of your lovability and worth happens.

Forgiveness Means Time

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Not too long ago I met with an eleven-year-old girl who was being adopted by her stepfather. Her father left her mother when she was two months old refusing to have anything to do with them. This she knew only because of what had been passed on through stories from family members. After a few minutes of talking about her experience, she dropped silent, tears running down her face. We sat together for some time in silence. Struggling to talk she managed to get out the words, “I have to get through the tears first.” The simple wisdom of her words seemed so clear. She was not concerned so much with understanding why, as she was with allowing her grief to be just what it was: grief. We often rob ourselves of an opportunity to experience God’s love for us when we try to cover our grief with intellectual analysis, busyness, or plain old denial. The death of my brother parallels this. For seven years I attempted to cover the fact I felt grief. Only after allowing the grief to be present and allowing God to comfort me did I become comfortable with the fact that there was a loss. The understanding that followed altered my character, personality, and life’s work. In time, this eleven-year-old girl may not grieve as hard for her situation. In the meantime her focus is simply to cry and receive comfort.

Is Forgiveness Therapy for You?

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

We all have ideas of what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. The most common of these in American society is the saying, “forgive and forget.” But forgetting has very little to do with forgiveness. In fact, forgetting can be a very unhealthy response to injustice.

Standing Firm

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Suffering happens. Suffering is part of the “stuff of life.” Grieving this reality is tough especially when you lost home, job, children, or security. Standing firm in what you know is real becomes foundational. God loves me. God is for me. I am lovable and capable of loving. This too shall pass. Easy to say but difficult to live. Circumstances have nothing to do with God yet everything to do with God. How we respond in the face of this reveals one’s depth of integrity, depth of character and belief system. The phrase “On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand.” (Hymn “The Solid Rock”) What are you standing on?

Twists and Turns

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

In the twists and turns of life, we all get bumps and bruises along the way. Sometimes we can feel so down and defeated that the only way to look is up. At times like that, it is important to remember the truth – God’s truth: No matter what our circumstance, God loves us and is there for us. We were each fearfully and wonderfully made. His love is so complete there is nothing we can do to add to it nor subtract from it. Our value and significance to God is immeasurable. Jesus willingly went to the cross for each of us. That is truth we can all live with, eternally.

Unwanted Sexual Thoughts and Kicking them Out

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Fifty Shades of Lies is a possible book title yet to be written. (Fifty Shades of Gray is basically a so called soft porn book and very popular.) Sexual stimulation in our culture works its way into a “normalcy” that isn’t normal at all. 1 Corinthians 10:13 has practical teaching as to what to do with temptation. The short of getting rid of sexual temptation is to stop exposure and stop the thought associated with sexual temptation. A few facts will help: Know that God provides ways of escape when invasive sexual thoughts arrive, and know that choosing the way of escape over and over will diminish and eventually extinguish temptation to entertain the thought. Do not self-condemn even if you need to chase out the thought twenty times every ten minutes. Continue to say to the thought: get out of here, that is not who I am. The thought(s) will subside eventually. An accompanying prayer is to say: Jesus, I invite you in to my struggle. I need your help. I ask you be Lord of every bit of this and ask that you cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love.

We'll Get Through It

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

If you knew you only had minutes left to live, what choices would you regret? Would you wish you had spent more time at work? Would you think about money you never earned? What would be the kinds of choices you would want back? You would think about God. You would think about the people you love and probably how you wish you had chosen to spend more time with them. You would want to have told them how much they mean to you--again and again and again. So don’t wait: Talk to God. Tell your people how much they mean to you. If you don’t have friendship with God that says to you, “It’s going to be okay. I love you. We’ll get through it,” find it.

The Difference Between Hurt and Harm

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Consider this – sometimes love must be tough. True love’s goal isn’t to make the loved one happy; it’s for his or her best. And sometimes the best hurts or incites anger (and anger always comes from hurt, fear, or frustration anyway). Oftentimes people find themselves enabling negative behavior in another because they’re concerned about hurting or angering the person. But there is a difference between hurt and harm. Harm is done for the sole purpose of inflicting pain. Sometimes love hurts, but it never harms. So remove the alcohol from the house. Put on an internet filter. Remove yourself from the relationship. Shut the door. Don’t be afraid to hurt someone you love for fear of their reaction. Don’t take on other people’s problems. Do the loving thing by letting them deal with their own consequences. 1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Reflections: Are You Lovable?

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Love relationships are a mirror. We learn how and if we are lovable only by our interactions with people we love. Young children don’t think about the overworked mother who is stressed or a raging father’s childhood, they simply attribute negative exchanges as a reflection of their unworthiness. As children who mature or as adult children of these relationships, it is important first to know that the relationship where you learned your lovability or lack of lovability is the faulty part, not you as a person. That, simply put, is the healing part of recovery. God is not mad at you. He loves you. When the mirror reflects God’s love toward you, it is possible for a love filled life.

Grabby People

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Grabby people are not fun. They suck the air out of the room for the sake of feeling like they are somebody. The behavior speaks for itself…little self-control or self-respect, no awareness of what others have contributed. Respecting who has done what and who is in which position allows for an inner sense of security to take hold. Truth is, life is a team effort. We are all standing on someone else's shoulders. And, each of us is somebody to God. Whether or not one is ever recognized, significance and security come from the reality of who God is and that He loves you. Rest in this fact today.

The Home Place

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

We long to belong. Where have we felt peace, acceptance and love? Often that "home" place is where we remember feeling comfortable and safe. God knows we long to feel these feelings and provides this safe place with Him.

Open Rebuke

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Direct, honest, respect-filled correction will always be a gift to the person receiving it. Over time, one appreciates the truth that is shared. Why? Because it is love. Hidden love isn’t really love. It is self-preservation and leaves the other person abandoned with no feedback or help. Talk about selfishness! Loving those we say we love requires risk…risking enough to provide loving yet firm feedback when needed. Without it, we stagnate in our unhealthy behavior and never experience the freedom growth brings.

Healing Thoughts

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

This week of Thanksgiving many have a myriad of feelings. When those feelings become uncomfortable, spread your arms wide to the Lord. Feel the feelings, learn from them, then release them to God. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for our redemption. We don’t have to wait for some human person to come along and save us from our plight. Thank God for His unfailing love. Ask God for His healing oil to flow in over and through you exactly as you are. Have the courage it takes to be imperfect. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and to set the captives free.

Negative Thoughts to Positive Thoughts

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

What happens when we have negative thoughts, and hang on to anger, frustration, disappointment, fear or hurt? According to neuropsychologist ,Dr. Caroline Leaf, each thought we have creates a chemical reaction. When we experience love, joy, happiness, peace and passion, chemicals flood our brain that increases our ability to feel these positive emotions. However, when we experience the negative emotions, an abundance of the same chemicals flood our brain and we become overloaded. With the Lord’s help, we can experience love, joy, happiness, peace and passion.

God is Love

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” So many of us live in perpetual fear of God’s anger or disapproval. And this is exactly what the devil wants. Something God makes abundantly clear in His Word is that God is love and He wants a relationship with us. God’s action and attitude toward us is always redemptive. I love the verses from a song by Pocket Full of Rocks. They say, “He’s not mad at you. He’s not disappointed. His grace is greater still than all of your wrong choices. He is full of mercy. He is ever kind. Hear his invitation. His arms are open wide.” I highly suggest listening to this song and soaking in the reality of how God sees you.

Dearly Loved Children

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Most parents know what it’s like to be so fully in love with a person for no reason other than they belong to you. The moment a child is conceived he or she becomes part of the family and is deeply loved. Ask most any mom or dad whether their love is dependent on how their child behaves. You’ll likely receive a strong “no!” A child is loved not because of what he or she does, but because of whom he or she is. The same goes for us as God’s children. God adores us. He delights in us. And, like a momma bear, if anyone messes with us He goes on the defense. Rest in God’s acceptance and love for you today.

Salt and Light

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

We all know people that are difficult to get along with; whether it is in our family, church or place of work. This article gives tips on getting along with people that are difficult to get along with.

The Healing Cycle and The Wounding Cycle

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC, Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW, Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC, Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

The wounding process in relationships can be cyclical. If repeated enough times, our responses become second nature. Interrupting the unhealthy behaviors that often accompany the cycle needs recycling with the truth. This handout outlines both the cycle of wounding and the cycle of healing.

Knowing IF and WHEN to Have Difficult Conversations

Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

Difficult conversations can easily go awry. Learn some strategies to determine IF and WHEN to have a difficult conversation.

Our True Inheritance

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Nothing reveals more about individuals that seeing how they respond to receiving an inheritance. Many reading this know when money is involved, fighting usually breaks out. How each of us responds to inheriting position, power, money, or privileged information will reveal all the wood, hay or stubble remaining in our minds and heart. As hard as this may be to see as true, it is. The wood, hay, and stubble of our beliefs or assumptions reveal an opportunity to learn about our remaining weaknesses. True inheritance is not about privilege, power or position. True inheritance is about obtaining wisdom, the practice of love, and embracing the worth and dignity of each person around us.

Find Your Life

Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

We all want a good life. We want a life filled with joy, success, love, meaning, and healthy relationships. But who determines our path? The loudest, strongest voice in your life will determine your path! Let’s make sure we aren’t ruled by the voice of an abusive parent from our childhood, or an overbearing boss, or everyone but ourselves. Take the time and steps to grow stronger in the path you walk.

In the Palm of His Hand

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

God's love for us is perfect, complete and there is nothing that we can do to change His love for us. He accepts us just as we are including our imperfections and our disobedience. Our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the infinite love God has for us nor the depth of His grace and mercy. We are so precious to Jesus that He carries us in the palm of His hands.

Affirmations of God's Love

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Scripture is full of God's affirmations of His love for us and His benevolent thoughts toward us. In 1 John 4:10, we are told, "This is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (NIV) Ephesians 2:4 states, "but because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." (NIV)

Shame and Guilt

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Shame and guilt are different. Guilt says, "I did something wrong" and causes us to turn to the other person and desire to make it right. Shame says, "I am made wrong" and it causes us to turn away from others. We are made for relationship. We need people and people need us. We all have shame and relationship is the antidote. Don't let your shame keep you from connecting with loved ones.

Thanks A Lot

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Our physical bodies are greatly impacted by our emotions. According to research, positive emotions such as gratitude, compassion, and love not only feel good but are also good for our physical body. Our bodily systems work better and are more efficient. So give thanks a lot - it is good for you!

Something So Simple...Yet Challenging

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

An essential ingredient for a healthy marriage is being willing to work at it and to refuse to allow bitterness to take root.