Articles about Forgiveness
Good, Bad or Equal
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Each person in a family or group works at finding the way in which they are special. The process or, at times, battle for significance goes awry. God has perspective on what makes us all equal.
Saying I'm Sorry
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Saying "I'm sorry." entail more than these two words. Examples in scripture outline what feeling sorry means and paints a word picture of our internal experience when feeling truly sorry.
Changing Our Christmas Perspectives
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Article uses an analogy from the Old Testament to teach how Christmas can be an opportunity to turn from fear and sin, to the joy, holiness, and wonder of Christ.
Redeeming Our Life Stories: Narrative Family Therapy
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Our lifetime experiences can have positive and negative impacts on us. Narrative Family Therapy can be a tool in allowing Christ's redemptive love, and other positive stories of our lives, to "re-author" our painful past.
Easter Clothes: Throwing Off Cloaks of Unforgiveness
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Forgiveness brings emotional and spiritual healing. Using Biblical references to Palm Sunday and Easter, and a story from Corrie Ten Boom, this article shows how the old "clothes" or habits around unforgiveness hamper our freedom and joy.
Bread of Bethlehem
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Family and the sharing of communion is the backdrop of this article, which explores how to receive life-giving and healing attributes of God during the Christmas season.
God's Forgiveness
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
God's forgiveness is complete. He moves us from shame and guilt to being set free.
Characteristics of a Healthy Family
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Helpful guides to creating a healthy family
Stress Management: Young Children Can Teach Us Well
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Stress management via lessons learned from young children
Finding Balance
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Finding balance in life through focusing on the Lord
Tearing Down the Wall Through Forgiveness
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
What forgiveness really is and how relationships can be restored
Clearly Wrong: Bad Behavior and What To Do About It
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
How do we reside in the place of love when we fail in our behavior with others. There are times when each of us engages in bad behavior: Behavior we do not find acceptable to God or ourselves. What do we do when we are wrong in our behavior? This article provides answers; a "how to" in moving from bad behavior to a better "place," a forgiven place, a place of reconciliation with God and ourselves.
Forgiveness in the New Year
The process of forgiveness, tips on inviting Jesus into the journey of forgiveness, as well as the forgiveness of self and others are discussed in this article.
Facing the Holidays Together
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Each year numerous couples and families struggle to keep pace with the expectations placed upon them from various sources. Keeping extended family, friends, and each other happy requires great skill around negotiation, self-awareness, and the provision of flexibility. This article outlines several guidelines to be aware of as the festivities are rushing in to eat up your time and energy.
Rebuilding After the Storm
August 18, 2005. A record breaking day in the history of Wisconsin with 27 confirmed tornadoes in one twenty-four hour period. In one moment, debris was strewn everywhere and the destruction left behind on that day was well into the millions of dollars. Addiction is destructive, like a tornado, and you are left to deal with the aftermath of a person struggling with addiction. Whether the addiction is food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or pornography, a trail of wreckage is left behind and rebuilding needs to begin.
The Inner-Workings of People Problems
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
As therapists at the Center for Family Healing, we sometimes give seminars about people problems. Anxiety, stress, depression and various personality/relationship concerns are what we work with every day. This article points the reader to reading material that will help understand some of these matters. The article also discusses letting go of, when appropriate, impossibly tangled people problems.
Moms' To Do List
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Moms are good at taking care of their loved ones but often do not take time for themselves. This article offers encouragement to moms to care for their needs and discusses ways moms can be proactive by nurturing their minds, bodies and spirits.
Just Love Them
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Our children are not perfect, and neither are we. Sometimes their behavior may leave us scratching our heads or pulling our hair out, and sometimes our behavior may leave others scratching their heads or pulling their hair out. Through it all, God loves each of us and has a plan for each of our lives.
Confession & Consideration
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Seeking happiness? We may underestimate something that gives it, especially in important relationships. That something is consideration. Simple, small gestures of kindness go a huge way in stopping tense and negative relationship strain. Gestures such as: a kind word, a nice card, an affectionate hug with no expectation in return, or speaking in a soft loving tone. Where does the go power come from to change a negative position to a positive stance with a loved one? At its most effective it comes from confession to God of our helplessness, anger, or grudges. After genuine confession, a sense of gratitude and being forgiven renews our outlook. It is then we are able to be generous - after we have been treated generously by our loving God.
Is Forgiveness Therapy for You?
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
We all have ideas of what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. The most common of these in American society is the saying, “forgive and forget.” But forgetting has very little to do with forgiveness. In fact, forgetting can be a very unhealthy response to injustice.
Do Over!
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
I remember playing 500 with neighbor kids growing up. You probably know the game in which someone kicks the ball up in the air and the other kids try to catch it. Depending on where you catch it, you score points. When someone gets to 500 points then they kick the ball. Every once in a while, there is a wild kick that goes astray. Someone yells “Do over!” and that kick does not count. It was never a big deal, the ball was just kicked again and we just moved on with the game. There are many times I need a “Do over.” I admit that my words and attitudes can be harsh at times and I need forgiveness from God and loved ones. I am thankful that throughout the bible, the Lord reminds us, He is a God of second chances and He lets us have a “Do over and over and over.” “God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down-and-out.” Psalm 30:2 (The Message)
When We Apologize
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Apologies are so easily thrown out that it becomes difficult to known when they are genuine. Brenda defines a few steps that help us define what it is we apologize for, the impact we believe our offense has imposed on the recipient, and the necessity of following this pattern. Apologizing takes work. Relationships worth working on are those we will implement genuine apologies in. Stay committed to valuing these steps and watch the relationships you value grow in respect, maturity, and intimacy.
Don't Be Ruled by Anger, Bitterness or Resentment
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
What’s ruling you? Anger, bitterness, and resentment are hard emotions to deal with. They often manifest in many different ways in our lives, including outbursts of anger, passive-aggressiveness, depression, and through other harmful avenues. Do a heart check today and ask God to reveal any hidden mad, sad, bad emotions today and ask Him for help to forgive and let go. If you’re unsure about forgiveness check out the book Forgiveness is a Choice by Dr. Robert Enright or call the Center for Family Healing at (920) 720-8872 for more information on forgiveness therapy groups or individual counseling.
Joseph Was Left to Die by His Brothers
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
If anyone had reason to remain bitter, it was Joseph in the book of Genesis. Yet he forgave his brothers, was reconciled to them, and provided for them. His forgiveness melted their hearts, and old wounds were somehow healed. Forgiveness isn't just a behavioral adjustment or psychological device. It is the sum and substance of every page and paragraph of the Bible. It's what the Bible is all about. It's the theme of the ages, the crux of the cross and gist of grace. Beware lest any root of bitterness spring up within you. * He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. *Martin Luther King, Jr., in his book, Strength to Love
What’s the Big Deal About Jesus?
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
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In The Palm Of His Hands
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
A major responsibility of parents is to teach their children how to obey and how to behave appropriately. In most families, some days are better than others, especially when it comes to obedience. Occasionally, when we had a particularly trying day, I would speak with my child in private and ask the question, "What do you think Jesus thinks about this?" I often heard answers such as: "He is mad at me" or worse "He does not like me any more." Answers like these always saddened me; however, I was able to get a glimpse into my child's heart and then speak about God's Truth. Although it is natural to think that God is mad at us when we turn away from Him or when we disobey, those thoughts are not based on Truth. Scripture is full of God's affirmations of His love for us and His benevolent thoughts toward us. In 1 John 4:10, we are told, "This is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (NIV) Ephesians 2:4-5 states, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." (NIV) God's love for us is perfect, complete and there is nothing that we can do to change His love for us. He accepts us just as we are, including our imperfections and our disobedience. Our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the infinite love God has for us nor the depth of His grace and mercy. We are so precious to Jesus that He carries us in the palm of His hands.
Forgiveness of Those Who Are Different
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
We sometimes mistake the differences we have with each other as containing a type of personal "I'm right and you're bad" message. Often the clash between people is a true biological difference in human wiring. This article begins to share an understanding of these biological differences and how to forgive and positively adjust your response to differences between people.
Five Steps in Forgiving
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Forgiveness is not sympathy. Forgiveness is not denying unfairness. Forgiveness does not have to forget. Forgiveness may not mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is a choice. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...” 1. The fog lifts. The first step in forgiveness is moving toward learning how the offense has affected you and the consequences of it in your life. When the fog of what has happened begins to lift, moving forward is possible. 2. Fake forgiveness hurts you. The second step is to understand that you have a choice in the matter. In this span of time, it occurs to the offended that to hold back forgiveness is to hurt one’s self. This is not a new understanding of the human condition. A fake “I forgive you,” brings a veneer of balance. However, this will eventually crumble. 3. Who owns what? The third step produces a more full understanding of the offense and/or the offender. This does not mean liking or being sympathetic to the offender. In this part of the journey, letting go of anger and hurt depersonalizes the unfair actions of the offender. A major accomplishment here is knowing the harmful actions absolutely do not belong to you as a responsible party or as punishment. 4. Give yourself a break. The fourth step, while not minimizing the offense, is the realization that the continuing to hang on to “unresolve” because of bitterness, confusion, or even an identity as a wounded person, keeps the perpetration and perpetrator much too close. 5. Wisdom from pain. The fifth step is growth that comes from being an overcomer. Forgiveness deepens us. New meaning is possible in suffering. A new purpose in life for having suffered unjustly is out there. It is also possible in this letting go, to discover our own need to ask for forgiveness from others. Inspired by the writing of Robert Enright
