Good, Bad or Equal
- Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
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People play games. Sometimes it is intriguing (or infuriating) to watch how people try to get what they want. Maneuvering for position…wanting to be the top dog or the most liked, the most talented, pretty, smart, etc. The list could go on and on. As typical or “normal” as this process may be, often one ends up being seen as the bad guy and one as the good guy. I have discovered that the person who may look mean or bad is often justified in their feelings of hurt, disappointment or anger. The one who may look sweet is often more indirect with the same feelings of hurt and anger. This happens frequently in relationships. What does it matter? It matters to God.
Here is the danger. When
either person buys into the lie that they really are the “good” one or the
“bad” one, it sets the scene in which other family members or friends are asked
to take sides. This results in division…literally and spiritually. For some
reason we seem to forget that we are all sinners saved only by the grace of
God. It is easy to believe the lies as we may feel justified in withholding
forgiveness. Forgiveness makes us equal. Equal in sin and equal in grace. For
some odd reason equality appears to frighten us, suggesting loss of self or
some sort of mental, emotional or spiritual prison. Our response to these
scenarios becomes pivotal in that we can forgive as Christ forgave or we can
harbor resentment. The latter ends in death both to the relationship and to the
spirit. Am I being idealistic? Probably, but God knows the truth around our own
sin and the sin of others. Let God reveal to you your equality (both righteous
and unrighteous) with those around you. The unity it brings creates strength
and freedom instead of division and death.
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