Articles about Anger
Anger, The "A" Word
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Anger is a word that creates great discomfort for many people. However, there are many reasons why anger can be a positive contribution to any relationships
Confrontation
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Confrontation is a difficult behavior to master yet crucial in our ability to build a sense of equality and respect in relationships. There are specific steps in preparing to confront that one can follow that help in creating the best possible outcome.
Deprivation and Anger
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Feelings of anger often cover many different primary emotions: hurt, confusion, fear, and rejection. Deprivation, often based in fear, is a part of life. Placing our confidence in the Lord's availability may not reduce deprivation but can help increase our ability to be comforted.
Learning to Fight Fair
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
All of us have times when we disagree or fight and fight dirty. There are helpful guidelines to fighting fair. They may be ideal but these guidelines promote the best possible atmosphere for you and for your loved ones.
What's Behind That Anger?
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Anger is a complex emotion and uncomfortable for many. Since anger is often a secondary emotion, one is benefited by identifying the primary emotion anger covers. Along with this are the possible thoughts and demands that feed the anger.
Why Giving is Better Than Receiving
Learning how to give without expectation will help to strengthen and revitalize your relationship with others and with God.
Parenting Perspectives on Behavior and Bonding
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
A child's oppostional behavior may indicate emotional pain. Article explores larger perspectives, including need for bonding and healing.
Easter Clothes: Throwing Off Cloaks of Unforgiveness
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Forgiveness brings emotional and spiritual healing. Using Biblical references to Palm Sunday and Easter, and a story from Corrie Ten Boom, this article shows how the old "clothes" or habits around unforgiveness hamper our freedom and joy.
Family Systems and Generational Bondage
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Article describes how past generational patterns can influence current family functioning, and how God can equip us in healthy family functioning.
Marching On
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Article shows how God can encourage and strengthen us when facing fatigue and discouragement in challenging situations.
God's Forgiveness
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
God's forgiveness is complete. He moves us from shame and guilt to being set free.
Escaping the Role of Scapegoat
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
A vignette portraying a family scapegoat moving from cooperating with the role to rejecting the role
How to Stop Bullying
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Helpful suggestions and step by step plan to end bullying
For Shame, For Shame: How to End Shaming When Disciplining
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
The power and influence of parents is great; keeping the parent-child relationship in its proper place
Overcoming the Role of Family Hero
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
A vignette portraying common characteristics of the family hero
God's Presence in the Midst of Suffering
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Moving account of experiencing God's presence in the midst of horrendous suffering
God's Peace in the Midst of a Crisis
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Moving account of a young woman who experiences the peace of God in the midst of a personal crisis
Tearing Down the Wall Through Forgiveness
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
What forgiveness really is and how relationships can be restored
Blame: A Block to Healing
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Life hurts sometimes. With the hurt we can look for a person to blame. When we project blame toward others we are really saying they are responsible for our failures. If others are responsible for our failures, do they then get credit for our success? Find ways in this article to combat the temptation to blame.
Acute Stress
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Acute stress is the initial concentrated exposure to a traumatic event or events. Acute stressors might be a war, being robbed, experiencing excessive cruelty, a natural disaster, viewing human mutilation, etc. What happens to our bodies in acute stress is that the unexpected events put the body in a type of strain. After being exposed to trauma, the sense of feeling safe is hard to regain.
Marital Disloyalty
Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC
This article addresses the process of how marital disloyalty begins or continues.
Clearly Wrong: Bad Behavior and What To Do About It
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
How do we reside in the place of love when we fail in our behavior with others. There are times when each of us engages in bad behavior: Behavior we do not find acceptable to God or ourselves. What do we do when we are wrong in our behavior? This article provides answers; a "how to" in moving from bad behavior to a better "place," a forgiven place, a place of reconciliation with God and ourselves.
The Third Step in the Reconciliation Process
Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC
This article describes the five steps in the process of reconciliation and focuses in detail on the third step.
A Story of Getting Honest
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Being honest with yourself is the first step and straightest line to mental and spiritual health. This is a story about someone struggling with what the “supposed to†form of living produces, and applies to anyone who hides difficult feelings from themselves.
Using Mindfulness to Keep Relationships Healthy
Insights and tips are provided on how use mindfulness to be attentive to others feelings, as well as your own, in everyday experiences, to help strengthen your relationship.
Coping With Holiday Grief
Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Adapted from "Ten Ways To Cope With Holiday Grief" by L.B. Schultz, this handout provides information that is both practical and helpful for anyone who experiences renewed grief during the holiday seasons. Grief knows no time frame. Because of that fact, knowing what is normal and helpful may aid in alleviating and normalize the grief responses.
Christmas and Family Attachment
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Some children find attachment difficult. Adopted children may have an especially hard time attaching to parents and siblings. Christmas is a time when small steps may be taken to promote a sense of belonging and attachment. A description of this situation is provided here along with ideas to begin to promote attachment in families at Christmas time.
Facing the Holidays Together
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Each year numerous couples and families struggle to keep pace with the expectations placed upon them from various sources. Keeping extended family, friends, and each other happy requires great skill around negotiation, self-awareness, and the provision of flexibility. This article outlines several guidelines to be aware of as the festivities are rushing in to eat up your time and energy.
Blended Families and Teens
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Blended families can be challenging for everyone, especially a teenager. Article describes these challenges and ways to help your teen navigate the ups and downs.
Working Hard To Be Liked
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
People pleasers work very hard to be liked and crave love and acceptance from others at the cost of their own identity. The real person can become lost in the daze of perceived expectations. But there is good news.
Suicide Prevention: Making the Connection
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Suicide is a very complex subject and is usually not about death at all but rather about wanting to stop the pain. The vast majority of the time, those who are thinking about suicide do give verbal and/ or behavioral warning signs particularly in the last week before the attempt. By knowing the warning signs, loved ones can intervene and provide support. This article lists many verbal and behavioral warning signs of suicide and provides questions to ask if you suspect a loved one may be suicidal.
Moms' To Do List
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Moms are good at taking care of their loved ones but often do not take time for themselves. This article offers encouragement to moms to care for their needs and discusses ways moms can be proactive by nurturing their minds, bodies and spirits.
Encouraging the Growth Mindset in Children
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Parents naturally want the best for their children and can be instrumental in helping their children become resilient to challenges. This article informs parents on recent research and ways they can encourage their children to have a growth mindset.
Twelve Years, Ten Lessons
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
An article of tribute and thanksgiving. As Mary Lambrecht follows God's call to Texas, she shares ten basic lessons learned in the therapy room and in ministry through The Center for Family Healing and Practical Family Living.
Controlling the Chaos
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
For stepfamilies, the stress of the holiday season can be compounded. With patience and grace, the holiday season can be enjoyable. In this article, tips for stepfamilies to navigate the holiday season are shared.
Trauma: Caring for Ourselves
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Each of us experiences situations and events that run the risk of leaving us traumatized. Traumatic events may not be completely avoidable. Yet if we find ourselves on the backside of a traumatic event there are some specific things we can implement to help ourselves through the resulting emotional upheaval. This article outlines each of those helps and, surprisingly, they sound familiar.
Overcoming Self-sabotaging Behaviors
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
While we are all capable of self-sabotage, some individuals are more vulnerable to self-defeating behavior. It is possible to work through the tendency of self-defeating behavior. Half the battle is already won when individuals become aware of their self-destructive behavior. This article will outline a plan to overcome self-sabotaging behavior.
Tears In My Ears: A Conversation of Failure and Honesty
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Failure and loss is hard. This article describes how to get through the difficult times after defeat.
Confession & Consideration
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Seeking happiness? We may underestimate something that gives it, especially in important relationships. That something is consideration. Simple, small gestures of kindness go a huge way in stopping tense and negative relationship strain. Gestures such as: a kind word, a nice card, an affectionate hug with no expectation in return, or speaking in a soft loving tone. Where does the go power come from to change a negative position to a positive stance with a loved one? At its most effective it comes from confession to God of our helplessness, anger, or grudges. After genuine confession, a sense of gratitude and being forgiven renews our outlook. It is then we are able to be generous - after we have been treated generously by our loving God.
Is Forgiveness Therapy for You?
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
We all have ideas of what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. The most common of these in American society is the saying, “forgive and forget.” But forgetting has very little to do with forgiveness. In fact, forgetting can be a very unhealthy response to injustice.
What Do You Do When Someone Has Become Angry With You
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
(Not someone abusive or a stranger, but someone who is a close loved one who is normally not an angry person. This angry state has come about concerning something involving the two of you. This commentary speaks to mild anger, not rage or abuse.) 1. If there is disagreement, stay calm and disagree respectfully. If you feel that something you've said or done is being misinterpreted kindly explain in a calm manner. If it is a boundary violation on your part, genuinely ask for space to think about what is being said and then genuinely think about it. Promise not to abandon the person because of the anger or the issue, and then be sure you do not emotionally abandon them for bringing up a potentially tough subject. 2. Be very honest. Do not deny or minimize. Do not get into a false “I’m sorry” just to calm the situation. Do not accept belittling or personal put-downs. Ask for a different setting to discuss the situation when both can be more settled. 3. Be respectful of your own needs and limitations. Pray. You may need a third party professional to mediate if the topic is an on-going trigger between the two of you.
Our Life Blood
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Posted by Randy Bohon: I hope this is not long but I woke this morning at 4am thinking about things and this analogy came to me, for me. Maybe it will mean something to someone else. Besides anesthesiology I work in Hyperbaric Medicine. This is medicine that places people in pressure chambers of up to 3 atmospheres of pure oxygen for wound healing or Carbon monoxide poisoning etc. People with Diabetes or other ills that cause blood vessels to "shrink and die giving little or no blood flow to tissues thus making them sick or die and Carbon monoxide gets hold of hemoglobin in our blood and won't let real Oxygen be taken up and deliver its life to our tissues and thus we die. Life giving blood is not available. With hyperbaric oxygen everyday for a series of 30 or so treatments Hi tension oxygen is forced into areas that have not had good blood flow for a long time and thus cannot heal. Over this period of time neovascularization happens, that is new blood vessels start to and do grow into this old dying tissue and bring new life to it. It miraculously begins to heal. Or in the case of Carbon monoxide, hi tension O2 forcibly replaces the false oxygen (carbon monoxide) and restores life. I have let hurts or other things into my life that have lead to areas of me that have not functioned well and have started to become emotionally sick or spiritually sick. Hurts that have made a simmering anger that has not let me be completely joyful, or little areas of my life that I have told myself that that's alright I'm not perfect and that is just me (getting angry and telling some one to go ---- themselves because I was right and they weren't) I have been reading "Holiness" by a woman named Demoss. I have begun to realize that I need to let myself be in an atmosphere where I am pressurized by the Holy Spirit each day, to cause a new growth of spiritual vessels into those dying areas of my life that have very little of Christ's blood flowing to them. I can not heal those areas by myself, I need the restorative blood of Christ to be delivered to those areas and cause healing and new growth of blood vessels so there is a constant blood flow to those injured areas.
Don't Be Ruled by Anger, Bitterness or Resentment
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
What’s ruling you? Anger, bitterness, and resentment are hard emotions to deal with. They often manifest in many different ways in our lives, including outbursts of anger, passive-aggressiveness, depression, and through other harmful avenues. Do a heart check today and ask God to reveal any hidden mad, sad, bad emotions today and ask Him for help to forgive and let go. If you’re unsure about forgiveness check out the book Forgiveness is a Choice by Dr. Robert Enright or call the Center for Family Healing at (920) 720-8872 for more information on forgiveness therapy groups or individual counseling.
The Difference Between Hurt and Harm
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
Consider this – sometimes love must be tough. True love’s goal isn’t to make the loved one happy; it’s for his or her best. And sometimes the best hurts or incites anger (and anger always comes from hurt, fear, or frustration anyway). Oftentimes people find themselves enabling negative behavior in another because they’re concerned about hurting or angering the person. But there is a difference between hurt and harm. Harm is done for the sole purpose of inflicting pain. Sometimes love hurts, but it never harms. So remove the alcohol from the house. Put on an internet filter. Remove yourself from the relationship. Shut the door. Don’t be afraid to hurt someone you love for fear of their reaction. Don’t take on other people’s problems. Do the loving thing by letting them deal with their own consequences. 1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Fight for Your Right
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
We own our feelings, thoughts and behaviors. We do not own the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of others. But what does this mean exactly?
How to Deal with Stress, Bad Habits, and Addictions: Self-Soothing
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
Addiction, bad habits, and unwanted behavior; no matter what you are dealing with in these realms, there is help available in the process of overcoming these things. If you are stuck "in running to your favorite drug," there are ways to neutralize and get unstuck from unhealthy habits and addictions. Self-soothing is the key. This article gives essential skills for overcoming unhealthy habits and addictions.
Positive Impact by Positive Thoughts
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Our thoughts are built by our minds, wills and emotions. Negative thoughts can adversely affect our health if left unchecked. With the Lord's help, our minds can be renewed.
Negative Thoughts to Positive Thoughts
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
What happens when we have negative thoughts, and hang on to anger, frustration, disappointment, fear or hurt? According to neuropsychologist ,Dr. Caroline Leaf, each thought we have creates a chemical reaction. When we experience love, joy, happiness, peace and passion, chemicals flood our brain that increases our ability to feel these positive emotions. However, when we experience the negative emotions, an abundance of the same chemicals flood our brain and we become overloaded. With the Lord’s help, we can experience love, joy, happiness, peace and passion.
God is Love
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” So many of us live in perpetual fear of God’s anger or disapproval. And this is exactly what the devil wants. Something God makes abundantly clear in His Word is that God is love and He wants a relationship with us. God’s action and attitude toward us is always redemptive. I love the verses from a song by Pocket Full of Rocks. They say, “He’s not mad at you. He’s not disappointed. His grace is greater still than all of your wrong choices. He is full of mercy. He is ever kind. Hear his invitation. His arms are open wide.” I highly suggest listening to this song and soaking in the reality of how God sees you.
Those Pesky Buttons
Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT
Everyone on earth has had their "buttons" pushed a time or two. Turn these irritating situations into a growing opportunity.
