Articles about Pain
Daring to Laugh: When Celebration and Sadness Join Hands
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Pain and joy often occur together in life. Learn how God's faithfulness, sovereignty, and hope can be found in the midst of brokenness, failure, or other difficult circumstances.
Easter Clothes: Throwing Off Cloaks of Unforgiveness
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Forgiveness brings emotional and spiritual healing. Using Biblical references to Palm Sunday and Easter, and a story from Corrie Ten Boom, this article shows how the old "clothes" or habits around unforgiveness hamper our freedom and joy.
Children of Divorce: Between Two Worlds
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Children walk through the high pain and intense feelings around divorce but they do not have the same ability to recover from the process of their parents' divorce. Research shows that parents seem to take about three years to recover from divorce. This is not true for children. The effects of divorce on children lasts for decades.
Life Transitions
Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC
This article explores the task adolescents and their families face when leaving home. It describes the delicate balance between support and autonomy parents must give their emerging adult.
Family and Self Care After Divorce
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
A look at the effects of divorce on adults and children and how to cope. This includes five very straightforward supportive directions for the adult raising kids after the divorce.
Things To Remember When Grieving
Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Following guidelines originally written in "How To Grieve" by KAIROS, these steps help the grief stricken person what to remember. Each of these ten statements move the grieving individual towards the strength of God and moving forward into the future with renewed focus.
Understanding Grief When A Child Dies
Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Reprinted in part from "Compassionate Friends", Copyright 1980, the death of a child has unique stresses that impact the remaining family members. Guilt, grief, depression, and strained relationships are not unusual. This handout is especially helpful for parents who have had to say good-bye to a child prematurely.
When A Father Dies - Preparing For The Holidays
Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
The death of a family member creates a kind of stress that one does not understand until they experience the loss themselves. Add the holidays to this and the multiple levels of grief increase. There are a few basic truths that become real in the face of such a loss around the holidays. This article, written to encourage as well as remind us of these truths, utilizes the author's own personal experience to bring the reality of what it means to celebrate living in the face of grief.
Entitlement, Money and Families
Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC
This article describes what entitlement means and how families send messages to their children about money and entitlement.
To Rescue or Not, That is the Question
Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC
This article explores ways in which parents rescue their adolescent children and ways to weigh the decision whether to act on their behalf.
Suicide Prevention: Making the Connection
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Suicide is a very complex subject and is usually not about death at all but rather about wanting to stop the pain. The vast majority of the time, those who are thinking about suicide do give verbal and/ or behavioral warning signs particularly in the last week before the attempt. By knowing the warning signs, loved ones can intervene and provide support. This article lists many verbal and behavioral warning signs of suicide and provides questions to ask if you suspect a loved one may be suicidal.
Women, Grief, and Jesus
Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT
Women experiencing grief and loss can also know deep comfort, individual attention, and a life-giving future through the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ’s loving attention to a mother who lost her only son from the gospel of Luke, is explored in this article.
Rejection Hurts
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Rejection hurts. It hurts physiologically (neurologically speaking) and it hurts our feelings. Reputable science confirms this. In fact our brains respond so similarly to rejection and physical pain that taking a Tylenol will reduce both the emotional impact of rejection in the same way it reduces physical pain. (Guy Winch, Ph.D., July, 2013) In short, regrouping with a person or persons who accept and love you unconditionally after rejection is conducive to major healing. Not talking rebound escapism here, but the kind of love and acceptance found similar to and in a non-toxic favorite grandmother’s home. It may take time, but it is in this context that rest and taking real stock of your lovability and worth happens.
Is Forgiveness Therapy for You?
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
We all have ideas of what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. The most common of these in American society is the saying, “forgive and forget.” But forgetting has very little to do with forgiveness. In fact, forgetting can be a very unhealthy response to injustice.
The Difference Between Hurt and Harm
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
Consider this – sometimes love must be tough. True love’s goal isn’t to make the loved one happy; it’s for his or her best. And sometimes the best hurts or incites anger (and anger always comes from hurt, fear, or frustration anyway). Oftentimes people find themselves enabling negative behavior in another because they’re concerned about hurting or angering the person. But there is a difference between hurt and harm. Harm is done for the sole purpose of inflicting pain. Sometimes love hurts, but it never harms. So remove the alcohol from the house. Put on an internet filter. Remove yourself from the relationship. Shut the door. Don’t be afraid to hurt someone you love for fear of their reaction. Don’t take on other people’s problems. Do the loving thing by letting them deal with their own consequences. 1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
When We Walk in Their Shoes: When is Enough?
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
There are many types of empathy. The sort that can momentarily feel another's concern and then step out to one's own perspective is best. A study sometime back showed that nurses who had the genuine empathy then stepping back type of ability performed best in a hospice setting. Those who stepped into the pain of the terminally ill's shoes and carried the other's concerns without stepping back, performed poorly. If you carry another person's pain without allowing room for knowing when to step in and out of that concern, you and your feelings may get in the way.
What’s the Big Deal About Jesus?
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
salvation, Democrat, Republican, hurtful, pain, life’s questions, heaven, hell, forgiveness, show me the way, Jesus, Jesus says, belief, believers, Christ, Christian, old, bible, old people.
The Pain of Rejection
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
In a time of feeling rejected, we simply cannot conceive that the pain of it is often going to produce something better than the thing or relationship lost.
Don't Regret
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Don't regret a past time filled with hurt. It is the stuff of wisdom. You've weathered it, you've acknowledged the pain, and you are standing once again. It may even be time to smile at what the hurt has given you.
Just Do It
Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW
Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive or you need to ask to forgive you? Is there a relationship that needs mending? May I encourage you to take that step and reach out to repair those relationships. It may not be easy and issues may not be resolved quickly but the reward of having relationships in order is well worth the work.
Open the Door
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
Are there rooms in your heart you want to keep closed? What if light from an open door would detox the contents?
God's Protection
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
Yes, the world is broken and with that comes broken relationships. But, take heart! Jesus has overcome the world. Even in our brokenness God has provided protection through his laws, through healthy families, good friends, even clothing is a protection that God has provided. It’s not the ideal but we can rest in God's protection and enjoy the little bits of Eden in our lives today.
Deal With It
Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
If we don’t deal with our experiences of being shocked and hurt… trauma really, it begins to deal with us. God tells us to come to him honestly in so many ways in Scripture. He keeps tapping us on the shoulder over and over again. Talk to Him honestly. He will give you wisdom and relief.
Core Questions
Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC
Everyone has soul questions that run deep through their hearts and minds. These questions have to do with our very existence, purpose, and abilities. These questions may nag in the middle of the night or be a constant thought each day. And, until they’re answered they can direct our lives and bring deep pain. Often, without careful thought we can spend our lives trying to answer these questions without even having identified them. This is trying to heal a wound on a foot by putting a band-aid on a head. It’s quite typical for a person to work hard to move from uncomfortable to comfortable without figuring out the reason for the discomfort. It’s also rather simple to medicate discomfort and pain. A nice donut, coffee, drink, or trip to the internet will often do the trick, albeit temporarily. But, once the distraction or numbing comfort of a substance wears off the source of the discomfort is still there. There is only one way to escape from this slavish cycle, and that’s to identify the source of the pain. Usually it runs deep and far back; deep wounds from childhood and significant relationships that hit our core and cause us to question (or not even develop) significance, security, and/or strength. Many of these questions come with their own set of lies. I’m only safe if I’m invisible. I’m only valuable if I flaunt my body. I’m strong if I don’t have feelings. And so, the questions nag and the lies talk and we are stuck searching after things for which we don’t even know we’re searching. A slavery, indeed. But, there with life comes hope! These core questions can be found and asked out loud. The core lies can be identified and countered with truth. God himself, healthy relationships, therapy, workbooks, groups, Bible studies and other things can all bring light and healing. Galatians 5:1 - It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
