> Practical Family Living

Honesty

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Deciding to be honest is only the beginning of living an honest life. c onsciously choosing to not deceive is an ongoing journey that challenges the reality of who we are and where belonging begins.

Building Self Esteem

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There isn't a parent I know who doesn't want to be a part of helping their child grow up feeling good about who they are. Our self-esteem actually is developed on three different levels. Included in this articles is an exercise to help a ll of us know the beliefs we have developed and how God's Word helps us rewrite our view of self.

Learning to Fight Fair

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

All of us have times when we disagree or fight and fight dirty. There are helpful guidelines to fighting fair. They may be ideal but these guidelines promote the best possible atmosphere for you and for your loved ones.

Characteristics of a Healthy Family

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Helpful guides to creating a healthy family

Helpful Guidelines For Resolving Conflict

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Conflict is normal and full of potential if we manage it skillfully

How to Stop Bullying

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Helpful suggestions and step by step plan to end bullying

Attributes of a Successful Marriage

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

This article lists 15 keys to a successful marriage, including the habit of forgiveness, letting go of mocking and contempt when under duress, and rehearsing the good rather than the “bad” about the other.

Martha and Phil

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Martha and Phil are like many couples who feel confused as to why their relationship is not better than it is. Read on as you discover some core shifts in behavior and thought that will help increase their ability to relate intimately and honestly.

Stay Strong While Raising Strong Willed Children

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Strong willed children can be amazingly creative, innovative and steadfast while at the same time frustrating and exhausting to parents. This article discusses some tools for parents to use to teach, train and motivate their strong willed child.

Happy Kids, Peaceful Parents

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Nature is filled with the very nature of God Himself. Article explains how God can use His creation for uniting families through opening up communication, and simple enjoyment of one another.

Turning Financial Stress into an Opportunity for Growth and Attachment in Marriage

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Many couples experience financial stress at some point in their marriage. However uncomfortable that stress may be, it can also be an opportunity for growth and attachment in marriage. This article gives tips on how to discuss finances with your spouse in a positive way and to develop a team approach to family finances.

Tips for Talking About Finances

Talking about money can lead to conflict, but research shows that having a plan on how to handle disagreements leads to happier marriages. This article provides some useful tips on handling your differences regarding finances.

Teens and Media Violence

This article describes how television, video games, and film violence affects teens, how parents can help protect their teens from viewing media violence, and how to discuss media violence with their teens.

Family Finances: Don't Go Solo

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Many couples experience financial stress at some point in their marriage. How they communicate that stress to one another is significant. In this article, Christine provides a plan for couples to talk about family finances that builds unity and a team approach.

What Men Wish Women Knew

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Interviewing a number of gentlemen, Brenda presents concisely and directly the thoughts and concerns these men expressed regarding the women most important to them. Covering acceptance, purpose, affection, and trust, these men placed themselves in a vulnerable position to help us understand pieces of their experience and commitment to the people they love.

Don’t Argue With a Woman as You Would With a Man

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Six things to avoid when arguing with a woman. A valuable resource in how to negotiate the maze of arguing; especially with a woman. Because some things work better than others when arguing, these points will bring you success in walking out disagreements regardless of your gender.

Transitions

Linda Hillary M.S., NCC, LPC

A new school year... Returning to school may not be so "carefree."

Opposing View: What To Do

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Most relationship communication about “issues” involves two different viewpoints. A key to a clear path through a controversial subject is for both people to truly hear the other’s viewpoint. Before attempting to really hear another’s point of view: 1. Be rested and ready to respectfully validate. You don’t have to agree, just validate the position as something the person truly believes. 2. Agree to listen to each other’s whole opposing point before embarking on the other view. 3. If resolution seems impossible, establish that a true way to rest with the differing views is to agree to disagree. 4. Let go and let God. A differing view is just that. Holding one or the other, including yourself, in contempt over the unresolved is a dead end.

Being Who You Are

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Ever say what you think people want to hear? Ever try to keep others from being angry, afraid, going away, or disliking you? So much of this type of communication is a need to control. The need to control traps us. We end up feeling like victims, martyrs, or both. To be free we need to know where we stand and then when appropriate, say what we need to say. We can be gentle about it. No need to be tactless or cruel. We can be free by letting go and being who God made us to be.

Guess What?

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There are specific dynamics that hinder communication. One is to withhold out of fear of another’s anger or distancing behavior. Brenda briefly discusses the healthy way to think about sharing and receiving the perspective of another person.

Right? Relationship? Some Strange Mix?

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Everyone is different and sometimes we have trouble communicating and understanding each other. So what's the answer? Check out this article for some tips.

Right? Relationship? Some Strange Mix? And the Holidays

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

The holidays are upon us and we often find ourselves spending time with family or friends that we do not see the rest of the year. With this increased exposure to our families of origin we often find ourselves or our spouses acting strangely around our or their own family. This year, consider the following words and give yourself permission to be different, to have healthy boundaries, and to love the difficult and the different.

Can You Hear Me?

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Want to be heard? Respect, appreciation, and generosity are communicated very subtly in conversation. We all want these things. When we receive them or give them, we feel good and give good. Words are not the most important part of communication; genuine attitude is whether good or bad.

One Sure Thing In Successful Relationships

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

I’m teaching a couples class. I’m sharing with them well-researched and applied points that assure success in relationships. John Gottman and others have studied couples for 30 plus years discovering these things. One of many sure fire actions that work for success in relationships is thoughtful appreciation. What does that mean; thoughtful appreciation? It means: Noticing and putting a few words to the tiniest daily things that make each other’s day more pleasurable and comfortable Small gestures of appreciation and support Being grateful for the other’s contribution to life together Small gestures of non-sexual appreciative touch Spontaneous words of kindness Speaking about effort a person makes, not waiting for an end product Couples who have been together for years still appreciate the words: “Thank you” When assets appreciate, they grow in what they are worth. The same is true in relationships. When we value and appreciate the countless things that occur every day in life with those around us, we are investing in our own happiness and the happiness of our loved ones. It is easy to always be on the lookout for ways we are not appreciated, especially when we have experienced hurt with a loved one in the past. As a therapist, I have seen countless people change from a very critical stance of defensiveness to using that same watchfulness to observe and comment on appreciation. Changing the habit of being sensitive to wrongs to being sensitive to rights in daily life, can and does happen. When grateful appreciation is expressed the defensive position of being on the watch for being wronged diminishes. This cannot be a surprise given that long ago the writer of the Corinthian passage, presented at so many weddings, has said love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is patient and kind and so on. (1Cor. 13:4-8) This passage points to what modern research says; a strong predictor of marital success is regular thoughtful appreciation.

The Power of Words

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

If you're like me, sometimes it can be easy to forget the power of words. Different words are powerful to different people. Everyone has a speaking style and some of the more blunt types can forget to soften, and feeling types can forget to be more direct. Three questions recently noted can help us all communicate more clearly and carefully. These are: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Join me in considering the motives behind our words.

Communication 101

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

When I was in graduate school one of my professors asked the class, “Can you ever not communicate with a loved one?” There was silence among us, followed by numerous philosophical answers. Finally, he answered his own question and explained, “You cannot not communicate with a loved one.” For a minute or two, we all sat puzzled. Seeing the expression on our faces, he expounded, “Even if you don’t say a word, you are still communicating.” So true. Not only do we communicate through words, voice inflection, volume, posture, and body language, but even our silence sends a message. The challenge is our communication is not an exact science. Sometimes the simplest phrase can be misunderstood. How many times have feelings been hurt, arguments started, tension between family members begun because of a misunderstanding and assumption?

Words

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

The closer we are to someone the more our words can hurt or heal. Let your words be like a healing balm in your loved ones’ lives today.

Look Beyond

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There is tremendous value in looking beyond what people say and do to the possible condition of their heart. Despite my life’s work of providing counseling, like anyone, this is a tough shift both in our thinking and acting. One fact that IS real is when successfully looking beyond the words to the heart, compassion rises to the surface making it easier to let go of offenses.