Articles about Boundaries > Practical Family Living

This article lists 15 keys to a successful marriage, including the habit of forgiveness, letting go of mocking and contempt when under duress, and rehearsing the good rather than the â€œbadâ€ about the other.

Healing at Christmas

Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC

This article describes the decisions we all have when entering the holidays. We can choose to stop "the war" in our relationships, to enter a time of peace.

Personal Purity

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There are benefits to personal purity beyond what we can fully take in as the world is seeming to celebrate impurity. The many faces of sexual impurity is reviewed here. The harmful effects of sexual sin including entertaining impure thoughts are discussed. This piece contains a good discussion of the harm seemingly harmless speech and innuendo brings.

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

Check list of some signs of unhealthy boundaries

Fear Less, Love More: To Let Go Is To Love

The positives of letting go and giving over

Behaviors That Inhibit Clarity in Relationships

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Behaviors and thoughts that inhibit relationships

Moving From Shame To Respect

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Moving away from a sense of shame to self respect is very important to our mental and even physical health. Shame means to operate out of a "down deep" sense of not being good enough or that something is very wrong with us. This article gives great guidelines for healthy ways that combat a shame based way of living.

Scared of My Daughter's Friends

A "Dear Rosa" question and answer regarding parenting concerns when a adolescent daughter connects with friends that seem unhealthy for her.

A Parent's Guide To Minimizing Sibling Rivalry

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Although sibling rivalry exists in virtually every family, parents can be proactive in helping to minimize sibling rivalry and helping children develop positive life long relationships with their siblings.

Don'ts For Parents and Enablers

Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There is tremendous difficulty for parents or spouses when their child or spouse becomes involved in the abuse of drugs, alcohol or addiction of any sort. This handout outlines how to clarify who is responsible for what and provides practical steps in approaching your child or spouse.

Suggestions For Clarity In Relationships

Author Unknown, Edited by Brenda Spina, M.S.,LMFT, LPC

This handout provides a list of specific response one can use when behavior in relationship becomes intrusive or offensive.

Parents Guide to Lingo on the Internet

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

The benefits and dangers of the internet are becoming more apparent as time passes. Parents have the increasingly difficult task of protecting their children and adolescents from the dangers. Here you will find some of the common uses of letters and symbols by kids as they communicate with one another.

Stay Strong While Raising Strong Willed Children

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Strong willed children can be amazingly creative, innovative and steadfast while at the same time frustrating and exhausting to parents. This article discusses some tools for parents to use to teach, train and motivate their strong willed child.

Managing Food Dilemmas During the Holidays

Food holds many meanings and memories for us, especially during the holiday season. This article offers practical tips and suggestions for those with food allergies or special diets.

Facing the Holidays Together

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Each year numerous couples and families struggle to keep pace with the expectations placed upon them from various sources. Keeping extended family, friends, and each other happy requires great skill around negotiation, self-awareness, and the provision of flexibility. This article outlines several guidelines to be aware of as the festivities are rushing in to eat up your time and energy.

The Push/Pull of Adolescence

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Adolescence is often been described as a second toddlerhood. Parents of adolescents often express to me the dichotomy of the behaviors they see (laughing as they share). I know parents don't always laugh but this article takes two underlying dynamics and describes them in the larger scheme of development for teenagers. Take hope! There is more to the picture than you know!

Supporting Safety In Our Schools

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Safety in the schools has become a major focus for parents and school officials. Based on an interview with an area school counselor, Brenda briefly outlines ways in which parents can actively support safety for their children.

No Longer Little: Key Concerns of Young Adults

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Young adults face many transitions and many fears. This article explores three key concerns that young adults often keep hidden from their parents. Included are helpful parental responses to support parents in this season of their son or daughter’s life.

Coping With Holiday Grief

Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There is no time of year more difficult than the holidays when a loved one has died. Nothing feels the same nor will it feel the same again. Listed here are only a few helps that may make the holidays a bit more tolerable.

Helping Ourselves through the Holidays

Holidays challenge us on every level: emotionally with the memories of family or stressors of getting together, physically because there seem to be so many more activities and details to attend to, spiritually we are stretched thin between honoring our faith and all the demands we face. This handout is designed with those stressors in mind. The ideas suggested are just that...suggestions. Underneath it all we trust each will find ways to care for themselves as God would have.

"The Talk"

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

The mere thought of having "the talk" about sexuality with their children often makes parents shudder and want to head for the hills. Parents take heart. This article encourages parents as it provides a step by step nonthreatening approach to discussing sexuality.

Twelve Years, Ten Lessons

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

An article of tribute and thanksgiving. As Mary Lambrecht follows God's call to Texas, she shares ten basic lessons learned in the therapy room and in ministry through The Center for Family Healing and Practical Family Living.

Live Within Your Means

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Living within our means often is associated with our financial circumstances. In this article, Brenda outlines ideas that help us live within our means emotionally, physically, and spiritually this Christmas season. Nothing drains our joy quicker than attempting to do all and be all to those we love. In addition, it drains our ability to enjoy the real reason for celebrating that which God has provided.

Affected Family Members

Kathy Ann Ward, MA, LPC-T, CSAC

Families affected by a loved one’s chronic mental illness or addiction endure a unique type of stress. This article discusses two strategies, boundary setting and calming the nervous system, to help those who are both currently being affected, as well as those affected in childhood.

Are Your Boundaries Being Respected?

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Every season on TV, networks try to push cultural lines farther and farther. Political groups work to change how society thinks and works. Boundary breaking individuals try to push us to compromise our standards. We live in a boundary breaking culture. Not many forces in our world work to uphold our boundaries so, with God’s help, we need to stand up for ourselves. If you find that your boundaries aren’t being respected, ask yourself this question: Do the boundary pushers and breakers in my life even know what my standards are? Typically, if a boundary has been clearly established, even the worst offenders realize they can only push so far. Advocate for yourself and make your boundaries known. Stick to them and you’ll find in a few weeks or a few months time that you can breathe easier because the pushing has stopped.

Discernment

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

Discernment is an important and often overlooked ability in our relativistic society. Even though it's not a popular term it's still a necessary part of having healthy boundaries with ourselves and others. There is a law of cause and effect. Being able to discern right from wrong and using discernment in our relationships keep us from many pitfalls and pains. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you today as you make decisions in your daily life. Remember - if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.

Fight for Your Right

Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT, LPC

We own our feelings, thoughts and behaviors. We do not own the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of others. But what does this mean exactly?

The Act of Forgiveness

Compiled by Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

As children we are taught to forgive. We obediently say we forgive so we get things over with in order to go on with our day. Extending grace is the beginning of forgiveness. As adults, making the decision to extend grace does not mean we are not hurt, do not need boundaries, do not need time for trust to rebuild, or condone what was done. All it means is we remove any obstacle from within our own spirit that would sprout a bitterness to take root. If we hang on to the offense, nurturing it, we trouble and defile many.

CFH - New Groups Forming for Spring 2015

CFH - NEW GROUPS FORMING FOR SPRING 2015 Title: Putting Fear in Its Place Facilitated by: Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC A 4-week group that focuses on overcoming fears that feed unhealthy behavior. Dates: Tuesdays, March 31 through April 21, 2015, 6-7:30 pm Cost: $15/per person, per week ($60 for 4 weeks) Title: Healthy Relationships & Boundaries Facilitated by: Carrissa Pannuzzo, M.A., LMFT-T, LPC-T. We live in a boundary-breaking world. It's not uncommon to feel taken advantage of or to take advantage of others. Most people can relate to wanting to say "no" but saying yes and then regretting it. And who does have more on their plate than they can handle? Stress, anxiety, and depression are at an all time high. So, how do we know what is our responsibility and what isn't? How can we say "no" and take care of our own needs without feeling guilty? Having healthy boundaries is how! Come to this 8-week class and learn how to take control of your life. Dates: Thursdays, April 9 – May 29, 2015, 6-7:30 Cost: $15.00 per week per person ($120 for 8 weeks) or $100.00 (for all 8 weeks) if paid in full at beginning of group. Title: Cultivate Your Marriage: Couples Intensive Facilitated by: Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW Description: Marriage can be wonderfully fulfilling. Learn ways to cultivate and enhance your marriage. Dates: Thursday, April 30 and May 7, 2015, 6-8 pm Cost: $25/per person, per week ($50/single, $100/couple total for both weeks) Location: Center for Family Healing,1476 Kenwood Dr., Menasha, WI 54952

Children, Shamed and Text Attacked

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Bullying attacks on children and teens is on the rise. This is something hard for adults to grasp at times. This article give guidance for boundaries, defenses, and how parents can help both the victim and the bully.

Dealing With Difficult People

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Whether it is in our family, church, or work place, we all know people who are difficult to be around. They usually cannot read social cues nor are unaware of how they come across to others. They tend to trample across boundaries, stomp on feelings, and take advantage of others. When dealing with difficult people, our natural tendency is to point the finger and find someone to sympathize with us, and someone to agree with us on how difficult person is. So how do we deal with difficult people? How does The Lord want us to respond? We need to remember that we were all made in God's image, and we are all God's children. Although, we all have our weaknesses, we are all equal in His sight.

Shake the Dust Off!

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

There are specific people and times when we must make tough decisions. This article describes the circumstances and suggest our response according to the Apostle Paul's behaviors.

Constructive Criticism

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

I don't know anyone who truly enjoys being criticized. However, sometimes we need it in order to grow. With the right attitude and careful consideration of the validity of the criticism, we can take someone else's criticism of us and use it as a conduit of change and improvement.

The Holidays

The winter holidays can be a time of tradition, community, and meaning. But it can also be a time of loneliness and unexpected grief. In anticipation of the holidays, consider what you need emotionally and relationally. Set boundaries around your time and energy. Invite people into your life. Consider giving back trough a local church or charity.

A Thank-Ful Thanksgiving

Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

With our country's political climate turbulent, many will find themselves around tables with people of different opinions and ideas. There are many ways to cope. Your positive and thankful attitude can help set the tone for your time together. If the conversation starts to go down a difficult path, try gently guiding the conversation to topics of common interest. Another idea is to take breaks and breathe. They may wonder why you have visited the bathroom 10 times, but remember to love others, be patient and respectful, and to have a very thank-full Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving from the Center for Family Healing & Practical Family Living!

ASK!

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

A = Accepting we are not all knowing or all powerful sounds like a no-brainer. However, our pride often inhibits our ability to accept the reality of our need. Accept your limitations. S = Searching out requires giving voice to your need or question. So many roadblocks may seem present due to feelings of shame, not understanding the depth of our need, or just because prior to this we have been able to figure things out. Keep searching! There is no shame in searching for the answers you long for. K = Kinship is a blessing that increases when we accept and insist on the search. It is the squeaky door that gets oiled. Accepting and searching bring us to the knowledge of our place in the family of humanity. We are all in this together so let’s keep asking until the answers come!

Letting Go

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Many reading this will believe that letting go means the other person wins or they condone the behavior as ok. This is hardly the case. Letting go is acknowledging things to be what they are. Letting go is embracing your powerlessness to influence another. Letting go is no longer demanding things be your way. What letting go is NOT is a lack of boundaries or self-respect and self-protection in the face of harmful behaviors.

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