> Practical Family Living

Have you ever been in a relationship where you are doing more of the work? Maybe you are exerting great amounts of mental and emotional energy. Or perhaps you are exerting a lot of physical energy. Maybe you are the only one praying regularly.

If you rate yourself and the other in the relationship in regards to each of the above types of energy that is given and received in a relationship, you may find yourself angry and resentful.

"I'm doing more!"

"I'm giving more!"

"I do all the work!"

All of these statements said in complete frustration and anger will result in a conclusion: It's not fair!

This conclusion will reap a sense of bitterness and resentment toward the other in a relationship and will ultimately weaken the tier that attaches us in relationship.

Relationships are about attachment and bonding. They are birthed out of fondness, admiration, connection, commitment and togetherness.

God, when He brought each one of us into existence, had a dream about how we would look and sound and smell and create and lead and follow and laugh and smile. He placed in us all the gifts, talents and abilities we would need for this lifetime - and He couldn't wait to "do life" with us. God with us. Immanuel. We would be a "couple" with God. Our identity would be formed by His attachment to us and ours to Him.

When we are exhausted, hungry, lonely and angry, it's easy to lash out, "It's not fair!"

I believe God would reply, "you're right, it isn't fair." Life is not fair or just. These things are not written down on our birth certificates - "you will have a fair and just life." Where have we come to expect fairness?

What if we were to say, "life is not fair," very matter-of-factly? And then, what if we said, "Now what are my options?" Here's a tip: start with PRAYER. "God help me to see this through your eyes".

Will I try to protect "us"? Will I do my best to preserve what I cherish and not succumb to the list of negatives and minuses I have tallied over the months? Will I remember what is honorable; give to God the strengthening of "us"?

Relationships are not fair. They are about attachment. The conclusion may be "this hurts, this stinks, but it's not the end of the world...and remember I have harmed you also." Another conclusion maybe, "It doesn't matter who is right, who is wrong, or if it is fair." What matters most is to preserve the integrity of the attachment - the bond of the commitment I have to this person.