The Problem With a Grudge

  • Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC
  • Series: Dear Rosa

Forgiveness unlocks the jail door that keeps relationships stuck. The problem with a grudge is, the person holding it does not tell the so-called offending person they are holding it. It’s a secret sentence. The opportunity for a forgiving exchange is not there. People who move on with one another, grudge or no grudge, move on in the following way: They believe that all people commit actions that require an apology: everyone does something wrong with each other from time to time. Successful “movers on” in relationships conclude that, in the end, the hurts from you should even out with the hurts directed toward you. It’s helpful to get an apology, but the wise person doesn’t sit there and wait for one to come without sharing the hurt. Assume the best. Open the jail door if you hold a grudge (because you are in the cell,) invite a dialogue if you are the holder of a grudge, or as a possible recipient of a grudge; believe until proven otherwise that no grudges have been assigned.