> Practical Family Living

In the parent-child relationship, perfectionism sets up unrealistic standards of behavior and performance for the child. When the child does not meet these expectations, the child is subtly shamed. The parent views the imperfections as a personal attack and may withhold words of affirmation or touch or may be harsh with discipline. In turn, this causes a rift in the relationship. The child responds by either internalizing the parents' disappointment and begins to think negatively about himself or externalizes the disappointment and lashes out at others when they do not meet arbitrary expectations. Although well meaning, the parents' responses to imperfection stifle growth. The child has a need to be loved unconditionally and accepted regardless of performance and behavior.