If Only

  • Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
  • Series: Dear Rosa

Phrases run through our minds that are a natural part of the grief process as well as a part of transitioning from one phase of life to another. One of those phrases begins with two words. “If only....” As natural as they are, lingering on these creates longings and behaviors not seen as healthy. Rehearsing the “If onlys” in our mind keeps us living in a fantasy world, lying to ourselves. Can “if onlys” be seen as a defense mechanism? Yes. However, without leaving this behind, we miss out on the blessings we have today. I much prefer celebrating the present than living in a fake world.