Grieving Another Divorce

Dear Rosa,

I am close to fifty years old. My second marriage has just ended. For most of the time I thought I was OK with God. I can't believe what a failure I am at marriage and I guess at life. What is wrong with me? You bible thumpers seem to have all of the answers, so what's your answer to this?

- Angry and Holding On


Dear Angry and Holding On;

No one can understand the pain of a failed marriage except the person(s) in it. On top of that, there have been two failed marriages. There are not human words to adequately comfort the pain evoked by the losses mirrored in your question.

There seem to be at least two levels to your question. One, the loss of a second marriage and how you feel about yourself related to that loss, and two, a sense of puzzlement about "what's wrong" with you, ending with a challenge to "bible thumpers."

Your question reminds me of difficult situations people face where the underlying sentiment is "somebody is crazy here and it better not be me (but I'm afraid it is me)."

Whether or not the above thoughts are true for you, this situation appears to seem a mystery to you. You have not found answers for yourself that fit well with you. I don't know if you can receive this while you are grieving, but I challenge you to respect God's creation in you and your own journey. Continue your times of seeking and allowing God to unravel the mystery. Pursue a willingness to let truth lead you. No one can do this for you, not even "bible thumpers," although hopefully they/we will be kind enough to be loving as you lean into the process of letting God help you find your answers.

- Rosa


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