> Practical Family Living

Dear Rosa,

Boy, do I fight some kind of weird stuff at Christmas...Yikes. I am touchy. I find fault with everyone and everything. I am a mature adult to most people. Most people on the outer inner ring and beyond find me pleasant and helpful at this time of year and would be surprised at my inner battle. I love God and He has given me a great family. Yet I fight myself at this time of year. I seem to take it out especially on my loved ones (the inner ring). Christmas was lousy at home when I was a kid. It bugs me when people blame everything on their childhood. But here it is for me, staring me in the face: my childhood leaps out and affects me. I have flashbacks to drunken brawling people at so called Christmas parties, the Christmas tree being knocked over by my drunken parents, waking up to half filled drink glasses all over the house with cigarette butts in them, and so on. Sometimes our family managed to have a nice bit of Christmas here and there, but you just never knew what crazy thing was going to happen next. I hate to be so depressing, and my life is so different than the one I grew up in, yet I have to fight to stay positive at Christmas. I don't even think I want an answer to this. I am just writing my secret struggle down to get it on paper so I can move on. Thanks!

- Secretly Struggling

Dear Secretly Struggling,

God loves you, dear child. You are His. He was there with you then, and He is here with you now. The scriptural saying, "cast all of your cares upon Him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7) isn't just a saying. It is real. His love for you is more real than anything you could think or imagine. Those "flashbacks" are your mind's way of dealing with trauma. We call it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It, too, is a real thing. It would be good for you to get together with others who suffer and are recovering from this. Some churches have recovery groups based on the 12-step program for adult children of alcoholics. AA groups in the community can give you lists of meeting places for ACOA. The phone book is a good place to find these groups. A larger church in your area may have "recovery groups" including a Christian perspective. God has a special place in His heart for you personally. Jesus came for the broken hearted. He will not leave or forsake you. Ever. You have committed your heart to Jesus. Take time to let Him hold you close. You were born to be loved. He was born to love you.