- Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC
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14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
What picture comes to your mind when you think of the word “confrontation”? I have to admit, I think of someone venting in a not so kind manner. This type of confrontation rarely enhances the healing of any relationship. Because of this fact, there are some steps to keep in mind. When we find ourselves in need of talking with someone about their behavior or the impact of their words, preparation can mean everything. Preparation includes asking oneself if the confrontation is even necessary. Bathing the decision in prayer takes number one priority. Here are five questions one can ask themselves that may help in deciding the necessity of any confrontation.
What are my motives?
What do I want to accomplish?
What is my part in the situation?
How did this come about?
How will I feel if nothing is changed?
In any situation, it is rarely only one person’s fault. It is important to remember in most situations, both parties have experienced hurt. Be prepared to take ownership of how your own behavior, thoughts, and feelings have influenced the situation to become what it is.
Responses to confrontation can vary as well. Allowing time to prepare yourself for the possible responses is the secondary aspect of the preparation process. Individuals often are met with ambiguity, outright denial, minimization of the issue, or accusations about their own participation in the situation. The end result must be left to the Lord as much as the preparation to confront. Whatever response we are met with, we are still responsible to the Lord for our part in these incidents.
Remember, if you confront, bathe the decision in prayer, allowing the Holy Spirit to define not only one’s approach but the results as well. Remember God’s presentÂ purpose is to make sinners sons and to transform all of His sons into the image of His Son, Jesus. As our passage in Ephesians suggests, all that takes place is an opportunity to become more like Him.
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